Practicing Reciprocity

The Ground of Gratitude and Generosity

Imagine living in a world based on reciprocity, where we give freely without expectation of a particular return. From this vantage point, we experience what we have as a gift. In a world based upon mutual exchange, gift giving and receiving comes in many forms: Sharing what we have, listening to each other, being curious about different ways of thinking, and giving our time and energy. 

This definition of reciprocity differs from one in a popular social construct known as game theory, where reciprocity is defined as "giving to get." This payoff algorithm looks at how people respond in competitive environments. In this milieu, cooperation makes people more successful because there is a chance for future repayment. This strategy is not necessarily misguided, but the emphasis on a desired end result makes a tremendous difference. Giving as a strategy for a particular outcome is transactional, whereas giving without investment in outcome is practicing reciprocity that creates trust and goodwill.

For reciprocity to be nurtured, it requires that we be surrounded by others who also value both giving and receiving. If we give freely in an environment that does not practice reciprocal giving, we run the risk of unhealthy relationships that leave us depleted. Similarly, in an environment like Western American culture, where independence and competition are highly valued, we might be hampered in receiving the gifts of others, and benefiting from what can be accomplished by cooperation. 

Reciprocity recognizes that we aren't meant to work alone but in relationship with others and nature. Receiving is vulnerability, letting ourselves be helped and influenced by others. When we give and receive in relatively equal measure, within a general atmosphere of reciprocity, our eyes are opened to gifts we could not recognize before. Reciprocity is about giving and receiving from the heart, which amplifies the intrinsic value of the gifts offered.

Author, botanist, and professor Robin Wall Kimmerer believes that if we understand the gifts we receive from nature, we will experience gratitude.* Gratitude is not merely a "thank you," but a thread that connects us in deep relationships, creating a sense of belonging that nourishes our spirit. She writes that gratitude creates a sense of abundance, a knowing that we have what we need. When we experience abundance, we take only what we need, out of respect for the giver's generosity.

Reciprocity, or the desire to give a gift in return, says Kimmerer, is a natural response to gratitude. For example, when we receive bounty from the earth as a gift and are grateful, we might choose to plant a garden ourselves. Or we might return the gift indirectly by donating to a land trust to save more plants. 

Kimmerer contrasts the definition of economics in a market economy with that of a gift economy. In the market economy we have in the U.S., economics is "the study of scarcity and its implications for the use of resources, production of goods, and services… ." This definition is all about lack.

Commodifying almost everything in our predominant economic system has created the perception of scarcity over abundance, promoting accumulation rather than sharing. We've created a system where we are consumers first instead of participants in a complex web of reciprocity. Many recognize that this economic system causes harm to the planet and its inhabitants, and wonder how to fix it.

Gratitude and reciprocity are the currency in a gift economy, and they have the ability to multiply with every exchange. For example, I accept your gift of chocolate chip cookies and share them with my next-door neighbor. I feel so good receiving this gift that I'm inspired to bake something for others so they can also feel cared for. 

To experience what we receive as a gift rather than a transaction, even when we pay for these things with money as currency, is to participate in the "web of reciprocity." Kimmerer points out that perceiving something as a gift changes our relationship with it; we are more inclined to care for what we are given. 

There are periods of real scarcity and limited resources, such as when rain doesn't come for plants to grow. Kimmerer believes that the burdens of limited resources can be shared, just as the gifts of abundance. She doesn't accept manufactured scarcity, in which a capitalist system perpetuates it where it doesn't naturally exist. She gives the example of the gift of water having always been free and abundant. In Indigenous societies, water is sacred and must be cared for as a moral responsibility. To this worldview, the notion of owning water is ethically corrupt.

Reciprocity doesn't have to be altruistic (i.e., a disinterested or selfless concern). Believing that our offerings always come back to us is a belief that includes ourselves in the universe's circle of love and regard. Creating environments fostering healthier, bidirectional connections through unconditional giving and receiving teaches us to focus our minds differently and reap the rewards of a benevolent universe. 

*The Serviceberry: An Economy of Abundance. In Emergence Magazine, October 2022

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