The Fruits of Our Labor
Reflections, Gratitude, and Farewell
The autumnal equinox just passed, the halfway point between solstices when day and night are of almost equal duration. It represents a time of celebrating the harvest, expressing gratitude for life's abundance, and reflecting upon the fruits of our labor. As The 3 Cs of Belonging becomes nearly two years old, I have been reflecting on my weekly writing here.
I began The 3 Cs of Belonging after finishing a book on community and connection. The book addresses a major cause for the epidemic of loneliness that is overwhelming our country, a crisis of belonging.
An often unreported movement is occurring where, increasingly, people recognize how critical it is to commit to healthy, shared ways of living. Lifting up these stories is an essential step toward healing our collective isolation and bridging harmful divides.
The research for the book began in 2019 when I traveled the country to visit people who were creating vibrant models of community that nurtured belonging and healthy connections. In them, people take time to listen to each other. Authenticity is valued and everyone's gifts are considered necessary to the community.
The Practice of Belonging lays out the six characteristics that vibrant communities have in common:
There is an explicit commitment to caring for each other, which is essential to nurture a sense of belonging.
Acceptance is a core value, which fosters authenticity.
Diversity is valued and seen as strengthening the group rather than threatening it.
There are skillful ways of handling differences, enabling them to move beyond conflict toward understanding.
High value is placed upon celebration and ritual, creating safe spaces for the full range of shared experience, joy and pleasure as well as pain and grief.
Hospitality, the ancient art of welcoming guests, is valued and seen as a quality that runs counter to the premium our culture places on competition and exclusivity.
The book's central premise is that we create vibrant communities by cultivating these qualities in our relationships, workplaces, and local communities. Rather than looking for places where we desire to belong, it's more important that we create a culture of belonging where we are. The best approach is to start in small, meaningful ways and then build. A vibrant community begins when a few people come together for a shared purpose, commit to each other, and foster the qualities that deepen connection.
We don't need tremendous resources or a large group of people to create a community that is a positive force for change. Transformation happens when we live in a community-oriented way in which we care for each other through our joys and pains, where people are encouraged to show who they authentically are, and where everyone's unique contributions are valued and considered necessary.
While researching The Practice of Belonging, I spoke with dozens of people who, like me, highly value community. These conversations generated energy and inspiration because they illuminated something so important. Focusing on the question, "What is a vibrant community?" for an extended period led me to the conviction that it is within my power to foster such communities. Every one of us can.
When we cultivate community, we receive the invaluable benefit of experiencing a profound sense of belonging, which we can then share with others. It is tremendously freeing not to wait for conditions to change before we can create healthier, more caring spaces.
Imagine what would happen, how our collective perceptions would change, and how our imaginations would ignite if we trained our attention and celebrated examples of humans working together, finding joy in sharing. Transformation occurs when we commit our attention, time, and resources to the most significant force of change, unity through connection, cultivated through practices of healthy belonging within our communities.
Writing essays on the themes of belonging and continuing to share stories of people who spend time and energy building vibrant communities has been one way that I've participated in being part of the world I want to live in.
Recently, I've become aware that the time is nearing for me to close the chapter on writing weekly essays. The sole reason is time. Researching and writing these essays takes so much of it, and I want more time for other creative pursuits. My work on belonging and community, including this newsletter, has been formative. Anything I do in the future will continue to put relationships first with an eye toward community.
I will keep experimenting with new ways to foster vibrant community in my personal life, and I invite you to do the same! For example, choosing one of the qualities, such as hospitality or acceptance, and finding ways to practice it every week offers a sense of purpose and connection.
I look forward to supporting others who place relationships and connections central to their creative efforts. Support can look like seeking out the work of writers and artists as their audience, or sharing stories of people who uniquely care for their communities or who make their work environment more communal. I’ll continue to be enriched by stories representing unique models of community and ways of living in genuine interconnection.
The more we are exposed to (and share with others) more connected ways of living and thinking, the better we can imagine a paradigmatic shift toward healthier relating.
More than anything, I want to express my gratitude to you. I have felt joined in my labors by way of your readership. Thank you. Writing these essays for those who value community and connection has been tremendously rewarding. I will miss it, and you! In the future, if I find a story that inspires me, I will occasionally share it with you. Feel free to do the same.*
May you always experience the truth that you belong and know that the world needs your unique gifts.
Thank you! I saw your lectures at Lakeside Chautauqua a couple of summers ago. I bought your book and read it. I’m a public school teacher who witnesses our young people struggle with belonging on a daily basis. I’ve been working at my school to change the climate of our school and hope to inspire a change in our school culture. I’ll miss your essays but can appreciate the move to another chapter. I have found your work inspirational. Thank you and good luck!
Thank you Lisa. I always appreciated your essays. It opened my little world a bit. I loved hearing about the people and places you visited that I would never have known. Your writings challenged me to engage more in my communities and open myself to new people and ideas. Enjoy your new adventures!