Bringing Intention to Online Communities
Online communities are here to stay, and they make it possible for people to connect in ways that weren’t imaginable before. But the phrase “online communities” is so ubiquitous that it is nearly meaningless, representing a broad variation in the quality of interaction within them. Because of this, studies inevitably show conflicting results of both the benefits and the harm of online communities in relation to our psychological health and collective well-being.
We have barely begun to understand the implications of a major shift in how we interact socially, spending less time in person and more online. We don't need research studies to reflect upon our personal use of online communities; we can take greater ownership of our participation ourselves, choosing to invest our time in those places that cultivate healthy interaction.
When we engage online communities intentionally, they are a healthy complement to and enhancement of our in-person communities and are important in and of themselves. They are also potential sources of relationships that can later become in-person connections. One survey found that over half of teenagers say they have made new in-person friendships that began online.
For groups whose stories are underrepresented, such as people with disabilities, online communities are crucial places to share experiences, providing validation and support that is often missing in our ableist culture. The elderly, who are less mobile, can stay connected to lifelong friends whose experiences they share, people who see them as much more than just someone who is aging and more vulnerable. Most of us have valued relationships that have been sustained or enhanced across distances because of readily available online access.
Online communities provide the opportunity to have meaningful interactions with people in different parts of the country or world and with dramatically different life experiences, expanding our minds while reminding us of our common humanity. For example, while researching my book on belonging, I encountered a group of female inmates in the Midwest who participate in an emotionally meaningful online community with children in a South African orphanage. They sing to each other and find meaning in the joy they can share.
The online communities that most cultivate qualities of vibrant community are those that offer the opportunity to have face-to-face and authentic interactions with others. Yet, face-to-face interactions online don’t give us the same access to nonverbal cues, which can be necessary to foster high quality social interactions. Conversations can unfold more organically and naturally in person, shifting between people more effortlessly than on camera. And, of course, physical touch, a powerful way of showing care and empathy, is only available to us in person. Still, we are adaptive social creatures and can share who we are, care for each other, and let ourselves be vulnerable within our online communities.
Let’s also acknowledge the ways in which online communities take up way too much time or contribute to unhealthy belonging. The sheer number of hours collectively spent online interferes with gathering in person and showing up for one another. For example, studies suggest that limiting time spent on social media to thirty minutes a day is good for our mental health. In 2020, Americans spent on average three hours a day on social media, 600 percent more than is recommended for healthy connection. The same study found that the average American spends nearly an hour a day on Facebook alone. As a clinician, I’ve seen how a frequent source of conflict between parents and children centers around the time spent on devices and the sites being visited.
Unhealthy belonging develops when we spend time seeking approval from an online audience by, for example, hungering for a large number of likes and followers, rather than focusing on being authentic and meaningfully connecting. And, of course, the experience of being bullied online is a well-documented source of emotional distress among young people.
It should be of deep concern to everyone that social media corporations have put tremendous effort into making their platforms addictive. Child advocacy groups are trying to find ways to hold companies that intentionally design apps with addictive features accountable for the social and emotional costs to children.
Reflection
We can engage in healthy ways with our online communities by reflecting on questions such as these: Is this a space that promotes interacting with each other in ways that show care? Is there a general atmosphere of acceptance, and do people feel free to voice a range of viewpoints? Are skillful ways for handling tensions and conflict offered in the form of guidelines, and does the community respect them? Does the community find effective ways to create meaning together? Does the community find ways to welcome authentic member input, and is it a platform that encourages people to be hospitable to each other? Am I practicing skills that are conducive to creating a healthy community when I participate in my online communities? And in those online spaces where I am not able to do so, can I decrease the amount of time spent in them?
The more we can answer the above questions in the affirmative, the more likely it is that our time spent with online communities will enhance our relationships and sense of healthy belonging.