“No road is long with good company.”
- Turkish proverb
Today is the start of a month-long adventure to southern Italy. I've been to Italy many times, but this trip will have two firsts: My first visit to Naples and Sicily and the first time I've traveled an entire month with friends. Eileen, a friend from Brooklyn, will join me for two weeks in Naples and the island of Ischia. Sharyn is a friend I met in Bend, Oregon while horseback riding and who now lives in Todos Santos, Mexico. I'll meet her at Rome's airport and fly to Palermo. From there, we'll drive down the east side of the island. I've traveled abroad with both women before, and we are familiar with each other’s travel preferences.
Naples has a reputation for being both cultured and gritty, and tourists are more likely to pass through rather than stay on their way to the Amalfi Coast or Pompeii Archeological Park. For years, I've wanted to experience Naples and understand the meaning of the old Italian saying, "Rome is Italy's heart, but Naples is its soul." I have traveled solo in Italy but felt intimidated doing so in Naples. I'm delighted that Eileen, who has traveled with me to Rome and down the coast of Puglia, is also enthusiastic to explore this city.
Ischia is a volcanic island in the Gulf of Naples, which is a quick boat ride from the city. On this less polished neighbor of Capri, you are as likely to see Italian nonnas hanging laundry and religious street parades as you are to see high end hotels and thermal spas. Its unspoiled beaches have long attracted Italians, while international travelers have preferred the glitzier Capri or the Amalfi Coast.
Sicily, like Naples, has long been on my radar, and I've wanted to explore it by car with a travel companion. Residents in Sicily consider themselves Sicilians first and Italians second. Although part of Italy, it has its own dialect and culture. I imagine finding my favorite town there and returning to rent a villa for a month and having loved ones visit. Sharyn and I will stay a few days in Palermo, a large city and Sicily's economic capital, and then spend most of our time in smaller scenic cities and towns – Syracuse, Modica, and Taormina and their surroundings. She has never been to Italy, and visiting Sicily with beginner's eyes makes it an adventure for both of us.
I look forward to discovering ways to co-create adventures on this trip. While planning itineraries together is important, having days unfold organically makes for some of the best memories. Wandering without a plan is one of my favorite things about traveling alone. On this trip, I can enjoy watching where my friend's curiosity leads. While traveling with someone, it's important to have an opinion, but it's also enjoyable to let it go and enter the other person's adventure. And I look forward to being the one who points the way at times.
One thing I've learned but have not always executed well is the importance of building in alone time. I love solitude, but with a good travel companion, like the women joining me, I'm ready to start the next adventure with them every morning. I've found that not taking time alone, even for short periods, can diminish a sense of internal spaciousness.
Taking or scheduling alone time allows travel companions to decompress and create their own experiences to share. For example, Sharyn will be alone in Rome before I meet her. After Sicily, we will return to Rome together for a few days. I've been to this beloved city many times, and I look forward to seeing it through the eyes of someone who sees it for the first time.
I've spoken with Eileen and Sharyn to see if they want to practice ritual during the trip. I've invited them to introduce one they would like to share and I’ll bring one myself. The ritual I'd like to do is writing “love letters to the self.” I got this idea from Elizabeth Gilbert's Substack Letters from Love. Gilbert practiced writing herself letters for years, and in her newsletter, she invites readers to do the same. This ritual requires vulnerability, and traveling opens our hearts and minds to take risks. When do we take the opportunity to speak directly to ourselves from a place of unconditional love, let alone doing so with someone present? A trusted friend watching us read our letter, or having them read it to us, has the potential to be a healing experience.
A way to share experiences while enjoying both companionship and solitude is to have portions of some days with little to no conversation. This allows for taking in the world around us, uninterrupted by discussion. Agreeing to periods of shared silence is not meant to be restrictive or a rigid “no talking” rule. Instead, it's an invitation to have our own experience while together, like the parallel play of children. Having periods of companionable silence has its abundance. And it will be fun afterward, over an aperitif, to talk about what we noticed.
During the month in Italy, I'll share more reflections on travel and friendship and invite you to reflect on what makes a travel experience meaningful. I'll give myself permission to skip a week or two of writing The 3 Cs of Belonging or post more of a show-and-tell in pictures.
In anticipation of the trip, my Italian great-grandmother, Fiore Alicia Toffanetti, has been on my mind. Next week, I'll post an essay honoring her.